Hey everybody. I’m back from running from the police. It’s a game we play sometimes. With tasers. Anyways, I just wanted to update you guys on the Cadillac Bill case. My theory is that at least two or three people out there care about what I have to say about it, which is more than the people who care about me and my wellbeing, so that’s already more attention than I could possibly ask for. So I present my evidence so far.
Yeah, I don’t really understand either, apparently they like a TV show so much that they wanna promote it out of nowhere. People don’t advertise stuff for free, and surely alien conspirators such as Bill wouldn’t care about material goods, so what’s he promoting it for? Clearly this show has something of significance to offer so we should probably watch it to look for puzzle pieces of the conspiracy right? I hear season 1’s on Amazon Prime but I’m gonna investigate finding the original tapes and grinding them into a fine powder so I can ingest them through various means, mainly by placing the powder under my eyelids and seeing what happens. Last time I tried that I got lots of scratches and cuts on my corneas but I’ve got a good feeling this time. My eyes are sturdier than you realise, it’s from my sand farmer background.
Anyways what was I talking about? Oh yeah, this guy. He seems to be enjoying himself. Sitting there. Breathing. He’s enjoying it a little too much. I have some experience with existing and let me tell you, anyone who claims to “enjoy” it is probably a gigantic phony. Maybe his own show brought him joy, I guess it was pretty good when I watched an episode of it last time, but really, I’m not sure. Death is not a hunter unbeknownst to its prey, and as I grind up video tapes in order to mush them under my eyelids, I can see the stern face of god staring at me, shaking his head in disappointment, which is honestly pretty normal for people when they see me so it might not actually be anything weird after all. Regardless I know that death and life are one and the same in terms of how I’ll be treated in them and I’m gonna give myself the purpose that was denied to me from birth by discovering the origins of this show and why Cadillac Bill has a connection to sentient alien cars, and DJ Central. I’m gonna start my search by rewatching Cadillac Bill which I hear is also on Amazon Prime just like DJ Central, so I’ll update you on my next taser break.
Well, I think they found me, so I have to go, since I’m losing stamina and blood fast and I’m n0t sure how much longer I have. My purpose in this morose coil of disappointment shall not elude me… or something.